I arrive at the hospital. It looks a little imposing. Its not in a large town, sort of outside. They have a yard outside. They take me inside and i see people wandering around. The floors are not carpeted here. I am shown my room. I already am starting to feel a bit tormented. They try to give me some ensure but i feel unable to take it. I am told they have internet there at times. And that they have free international phone calls. I put my things in my room, there is a man there… Andrew i think. I say hi. He glared at me. I say God bless you and he glares. I start to feel more and more tormented….. I recognize that if i even look at a woman with lust i am going to hell.
Oh LORD help me not look with lust on others. LORD HELP ME TO NOT THINK EVIL. I start screaming and screaming, the nurses take me to the outside sections. Eventually i feel some peace. I come back in and go to the room at this point it smells like Urine. I lie down and declare over and over “I am not Jesus Christ”. I get up and go over the a quite room with a radio. I find a Christian radio station and hear some sermons and feel peace at times and often think about my Christian friends. I think about some who are women and just want to bless them but feel worried because some are married and i feel my mind tugging towards wanting to think of them naked and cry out to God over and over for forgiveness and cleansing.
I find out that the person who had urinated in the room had been taken out. I am praying all night to not think evil. Declaring i am not Jesus Christ and that God have mercy on me. I am able to call Guatemala to a friend of my dad here called Hugo Emilio. He prays for me, for liberation, and for healing and i feel some peace. I am able to take a shower at this point in the public showers. The water is not very warm. I grab a small bite to eat and I call my dad here and things and he begins to arrange to come up. He wants to go to a christian retreat but we work for him to come sooner, with a couple days, praise God, praise God so much.
I get up in the morning and find out where the internet can be used. But i find there isn’t much i want to do on it. I feel weighed down. I am able to go outside to the surrounding park. I wonder a bit about how to get out but not much. The air is cold and i sit on the swings but they are cold too…. i walk back inside. A man comes up to me and tells me he is a priest. He asks if he can pray for me i am a bit concerned but say ok. He lays hands on my head and orders out demons, and then tells me that i need to be concerned to never commit the unforgivable sin which is to declare that i cannot be saved. This worries me now too. I find out how to spend time with a nurse who is a believer and make friends also with a man called Dana. They are kind to me and the male nurse says that the person who says he is a priest is a nice guy but to not give him too much credit considering the current location.
I make also friends with a lady who is a pastor and serves at the medical center, she is very kind and prays for me there. I find out that this is the same hospital that was in “One flew over the cuckoos nest”. I am amazed too at the fact that i am in this situation, yet had such great fear a few short years earlier of coming to this. This couldn’t really be me could it. Does God take you through what you fear? As time progresses the turmoil becomes great again and i am yelling. The nurses please with me to go outside because i am scaring all the other patients. I go outside and after some time Dana comes out and starts yelling with me. It seems to me he is trying to be in solidarity with me. I do not know what he is saying but we are both yelling really loud. I go back inside after some time and he gives me a salutation of encouragement like may it go well for you and i go back to the radio room dreading the tug of evil in my mind….
I finally have an ensure and it feels nice to have some food. My dad here arrives and that was so much better. So very nice…. so happy to see him. The doctors give him permission to take me out for the day and to come back at night. We leave and he prays for me and i feel great peace and like white light over me.
We arrive at the hotel he is at, and spend the day there, talking about things and going to get some food at the restaurant. I think it was some kind of tex mex bar. I try to talk to some people there about Jesus and notice one girl is American Indian and has things related to that in regards to religion. I try to encourage her to seek Jesus and we listen but i am a bit concerned about her spirituality. Likewise for the bartender and others. May God guide her and bless her family now in Jesus name.
It is eventually time to go back and i am able to sleep a bit better that night. In the morning my dad here discusses some with the doctors about taking me out. They say it would be a miracle for me to leave so soon. None the less my dad here starts looking into me going with Ron Hoak, the doctors say i can stay the night with my dad here at the hotel for one night. That its such a blessing for me to have family who visit him. They showed us the roster of people who visit the others, and in the previous month out of the dozens and dozens of patients it seemed there were less visits than could be counted on one hand. I go to the hotel and have a meal with a very large piece of chocolate cake. I feel somewhat ill from it after, not at all full, but thankful.
We are able to see that we can go to Ron Hoaks and go to church that morning to see the same pastress preach and upon coming back the doctor said that he did not know why he was doing this he had never done so, so early, but that he was going to let me go. They managed to secure the pharmaceuticals for the next days and perscriptions and let me leave. I left as i have counted being in the hospitals for a total of 40 days and nights. We went off to west of Portland to meet with Ron Hoak the whole time battling in my heart and praying with my dad here. Praise The Lord.